naughty jokes

1.Husband goes missing.Wife complains at the police station.
Wife-"He is handsome 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean... to your children."
wife- "Yes, but who wants HIM back?";D

2."Yaar,tera beta toh bilkul tere jaisa hi dikhtaa hai!!!!"
"Abbey,dheere bol... woh padosi ka beta hai!!!!!!" ;D

3.

she-Wat wud u do if I died?Wud u marry again?
He-No way!
she-Y not?don't u lyk being married?
He:Ofcourse I do.
she:Then why wudn't u remarry?
...He:Ok,I'd get married
she:u wud?
He:Uf
she:Wud u sleep with her in our bed?
He:Where else wud we sleep?
she:Wud u replace my pictures with hers?
He:That wud seem lyk d proper thing to do.
she:Wud she use my golf clubs?
He:No,she's left-handed.
Silence
Shit!

4. It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, "I don’t know. Some st...upid guy wanted to know if the coast was clear."

5.Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose all your friends.';P

6.Girl: darling will you keep loving me after marriage like you do now?
Boy: mmm .. Honey all depends upon ur future hubby, if he allows it or not!;)

7.Two old men were talking over old times and saying how much things had changed.
"I didn't even kiss my wife before I married her, did you?"
"I can't remember. What was her maiden name?".

8.First man-I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Second man: Me too, after u leave;D

9.A man never worried about his marriage, until he moved from Delhi to Bombay and discovered that he still had the same milkman? ;D

10.There is so little difference between husbands tht u might as well keep the first;-D

More Quotes

1.Exams are like girl friends. 1. Too Many Questions.2. Difficult to Understand.3. More Explanation is Needed.4. Result is always FAIL.:(


2.BIZZARE: "In Hong Kong the wife of a husband who commits adultery is legally entitled to kill the mistress in any manner desired, and the husband with just her bare hands"


3.A long marriage is like two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time!!!!cheers to all my 'skilled' friends who hv survived their marriage for a decade or more:) and all my best wishes to the brave hearts who'll soon reach the mark.Keep dancing to the life's tune!!!!


4.A 10-year study in Scotland found that 20% of people die of a heart attack on Monday’s compare to any other day of the week! The study suggests that the ‘Monday peak’ could be a result of massive drinking during the weekend and work related stress:(....so guys remember-no stress n moderate drinking;) njoy ur weekend:)


5.Honey is the only food tht doesnt spoil with time! now i know y sweet hearts r called so;)


6.Desire breeds more desires !


7.A girl applied to a computer dating service and reported that she liked water sports n formal wear, and the computer matched her with a PENGUIN !!!!!LOL


8.Dare to make a promise...promise brings hope n hope brings smile..and do u know anythng more precious than ur loved one's smile:)


9.Nothing is so good as it seems before hand.


10.I m not denying the women r foolish. God Almighty made them to match the men!!!!!!! George Eliot