Funniest Jokes

1.Santa was feeling happy!
After five minutes,happy slapped him;D




2.To Reduce Depression of Students,Sir Showed them "3 IDIOTS".Sir=What did u Learn 4m the Movie?Students=KISS Karte WaQt NAAK Bich me Nahi Aati ;)




3.Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed. But wives r smarter so men get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed;D




4.

Shayari dat wud blow ur senses :-


Roses are red,
Facebook is blue.
..Roses are red,
Facebook is blue.
44 mutual friends
Fir bhi kaun hai bey tu.. :D lol

5.Just thinking if every couple... Husband & Wife, BF & GF exchanged their Facebook a/c & cell phone for 24 hours . Will they b still together after that ?! lol

6.

sardar meets an English man...
Angrez: hi
Sardar: hellow!!
Ang: How do you do?????
Sardar: That's a secret!!!!!!!!!: P

7.Last Night,I broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!"

.
.
I wz thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."”


 

8.

Interviewer :Let me check your word Power...
Sardaar :Ok Sir ....
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of ......good.
Sardar :hmmmm..... Bad
Interviewer : Come
Sardar : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
Sardar : Pichlli.
Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?
Sardar : UGLYYYYYYYYY..
Interviewer : Shut Up.
Sardar : Keep Talking.
Interviewer :ok now stop these all..
Sardar:ok now carry on this all
Interviewer :abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa
Sardar: abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh
Interviewer :Areeee yaaar
Sardar: areeee dushmannnnnn
Interviewer : Get Out.
Sardar : Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
Sardar : Oh my Devil.
Interviewer : U r Rejected.
Sardar: I m selected...
I M SELECTED??? REALLY?? BALLE BALLE :))))

9.you know if you're getting older and one day your sweetie says to you, "darling Let's go upstairs and make love." whats your answer???????, i think the answer will be "Honey, I can't do both in one time!"

10. 

A guy went to his gf's house... But at dat tym, only her sis was thr.. She dressed sexy and told her sis' bf dat his gf gone outside and wont come back for 2 hrs and they can have some intimate moments by dat tym... The guy immediately went out.. Suddenly, his gf came and hugged him happily and said "I luv u too much " ... She said she was testing him an...d he passed it...

Moral : Always keep condoms at the bike .. :D

Most popular Jokes

1.Without Love -- dayz are
Sadday,
moanday,
tearsday,
wasteday,
...thirstday,
frightday,
shatterday...
so be in Luv everyday...

2."You cannot blame gravity for falling in love";))Einstein.

3.Just because someone doesn't love you in the way you want them to,
doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they've got!!!:)

4.Robert Louis Stevenson writes-"Wine is bottled poetry"
Well..well..now i know why i like poetry;)

5.If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?

6.Two men were searching for their wives lost in a fete.
First Man: How does your wife look like?
Second Man:Oh she is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?
First Man: Forget mine, let us look for yours...;p

7.Rahul Roy-"Sau saal tak sanam ki aankhon mein doob jaaun,
 Sau saal aur ho toh uske galey lagaoon...............
Sau saal phir milan ki duniya nayi nayi de.................

Mere khuda mujhe tu ek aur jindagi de..."

Khuda-"Beta Rahul-,itna slow jaega,ek aur jindagi bhi kum padegi;D

8.I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon!!!!

9.Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi ek lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife-Kaun thi woh?
Hus-Tum dimaag kharrab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshaan hoon ki woh bhi Yehi puchhegi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;D

10.Dunno why facebook gives me a choice to 'like' my own comments!!!!!!!!Come on..Ofcourse I like all my comments even wen no one else does;D

naughty jokes

1.Husband goes missing.Wife complains at the police station.
Wife-"He is handsome 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean... to your children."
wife- "Yes, but who wants HIM back?";D

2."Yaar,tera beta toh bilkul tere jaisa hi dikhtaa hai!!!!"
"Abbey,dheere bol... woh padosi ka beta hai!!!!!!" ;D

3.

she-Wat wud u do if I died?Wud u marry again?
He-No way!
she-Y not?don't u lyk being married?
He:Ofcourse I do.
she:Then why wudn't u remarry?
...He:Ok,I'd get married
she:u wud?
He:Uf
she:Wud u sleep with her in our bed?
He:Where else wud we sleep?
she:Wud u replace my pictures with hers?
He:That wud seem lyk d proper thing to do.
she:Wud she use my golf clubs?
He:No,she's left-handed.
Silence
Shit!

4. It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, "I don’t know. Some st...upid guy wanted to know if the coast was clear."

5.Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose all your friends.';P

6.Girl: darling will you keep loving me after marriage like you do now?
Boy: mmm .. Honey all depends upon ur future hubby, if he allows it or not!;)

7.Two old men were talking over old times and saying how much things had changed.
"I didn't even kiss my wife before I married her, did you?"
"I can't remember. What was her maiden name?".

8.First man-I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Second man: Me too, after u leave;D

9.A man never worried about his marriage, until he moved from Delhi to Bombay and discovered that he still had the same milkman? ;D

10.There is so little difference between husbands tht u might as well keep the first;-D

Unforgettable Quotes

1.WATS THE SECRET OF SUCCESS?


"Be open," said the window.
"Keep cool," said the ice.
"Drive hard," said the hammer.
"Be up to date," said the calender.
"Never be led," said the pencil.
"Be sharp," said the knife.
"Burn with passion," said the fire.
"Stick to it," said the glue.
"Be bright," said the lamp

2.Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.:-(

3."Yaa Devii Sarvabhuuteshhu Maatrirupena Sansthitah
Yaa Devii Sarvabhuuteshhu Shaktirupena Sansthitah
Yaa Devii Sarvabhuuteshhu Shaantirupena Sansthitah
Namastasyaih Namastasyaih Namastasyaih Namo Namah"

4.Men are like...Placemats.They only show up when there's food on the table.

5.HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can’t move further.:(
M0ral:always Keep a SPARE TYRE;

6.GOD IS NOWHERE.
GOD IS NOW HERE.
All that matters is how we wanna see things!

7.Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with;D

8. MEN R HAPPIER BCOZ:
Chocolate 4U is just another snack!
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
...One wallet and one pair of shoes-one colour for all seasons!
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look;D
Wrinkles only add character;)
n The world is your urinal!

9. You love someone,
You marry someone else !
The one you marry becomes your spouse !And the one you loved becomes …………..
the password of your email id !!;)

10.SUCCESS

"At age 4 success is . . . Not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . Having money.
At age 50 success is .. . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .. Having a driver license.
At age 75 success is . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not peeing in your pants."

Witty Updates

1.Why do men like intelligent women?
   Because Opposites attract;)


2.Love is holding hands in the street,Marriage is holding arguments in the street.Love is dinner for two in a restaurant,Marriage is a take-home packet.Love is cuddling on a sofa,Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.Love is going to bed early;)Marriage is going to sleep early;(Love is losing ur appetite,Marriage is losing ur figure.TVhas no place in love,Marriage is a constant fight for remote......


3.You cannot blame gravity for falling in love;)


4.There is so little difference between husbands that you might as well keep the first;)


5.Wine is bottled poetry.


6.If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?


7.Two men were searching for their wives lost in a fete.
First Man: How does your wife look like?
Second Man:Oh she is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?
First Man: Forget mine, let us look for yours...;p


8.I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.


9.Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi ek lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife-Kaun thi woh?
Hus-Tum dimaag kharrab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshaan hoon ki woh bhi Yehi puchhegi !!!!!!!!!!;D


10.Dunno why facebook gives me a choice to 'like' my own comments!!!!!!!!Come on..Ofcourse I like all my comments even wen no one else does;D