Laugh Aloud

1.Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shutup'."
Joe Namath


2."My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it."
Buddy Hackett


3."Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children."
Sam Levinson.


4."There are two things that a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and its mother's age."
Benjamin Spock


5."Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head."
Martin Mull


6.My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale."
Les Dawson


7."When you're eight years old nothing is your business."
Lenny Bruce.


8."In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television."
Erma Bombeck.


9."I never met a kid I liked."
WC Fields.


10."Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'."
Joan Rivers.

Facebook status updates

1.If they can do away with Pluto as a Planet, why can’t they do away with Monday as a day of the week?????

2.An idea can change ur life
but, a girl can change ur ideas.
so always change ur girlfrnd to get new ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"wat an idea sir ji.....;D

3.Wife-Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?
Husband-How can I? I don't even know her!!!!!!!

4.You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to;D

5.Lamha lamha waqt guzar jaega,
kuch din k baad Valentine's day aa jaega,
Abhi bhi waqt hai,kisi se affair chala lo,
Warna ye valentine bhi miya ji ke saath gujar jaega;D"
...
6.There isn’t a better feeling than walking into a room with your hair a mess, pj’s on, and mismatched socks and your child saying “mom u r so beautiful” :)

7.I was in my kitchen cleaning… When suddenly I realised OMG… I’m late for Facebook!!!

8.Couples are just like scissors. They always go opposite directions yet punishing anyone who comes between them.

9."The best way out is always through."
Robert Frost

10."New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions."
Mark Twain

Witty one-liners

1.Having one child makes you a parent:) having two you are a referee:(
David Frost


2.Nothing can change the past,but we can change wat it does to us.


3.There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice!!!


4.The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.


5.I believe in luck. How else can u explain the success of those you dislike????


6."Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still." - Lou Erickso


7.Beauty may b only skin deep, but love is not !!!!!!!!!It grows with ur wrinkles ;)


8.Har pal mein pyar hai// Har lamhe mein khushi hai...Kho do toh yaadein hain// Jee lo toh zindagi hai....!!!!!:)


9.What is this life if full of care// We have no time to stand and stare//


10.How is it tht wen he puts forward a reason.....it is EXPLANATION...but wen she does the same,it turns into an EXCUSE!!!!!:(

Funny Status Updates

1.Romance simply doesnt work with some husbands!Dump the kids early to bed n they get scared "Itna Sannata kyun hai Bhai?":( Arrange a cosy candlelite dinner n they wud switch on the lights to b assured if u serve them in rite proportion!!!:(wish to go for a long drive...they wud suggest why not shop some grocery on the way home:(Ask them for a stroll in rain..n they wud come out with two umbrellas:(


2.After an emotional hug, Girl to Boy:-----
"Oh! If youwould hug me once more like that ,I will be yours forever."...............
Boy:-- "THANKS FOR THE WARNING.";-D


3.Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... some things are just better rich.'


4.Question: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Answer: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum;D


5.A single spelling mistake that caused divorce!!!!!!!
A man went 2 GOA & sent msg 2 his wife- "Having the most amazing & wonderful time, i wish u were HER".


6.yun khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
yun khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....

......Cameraman prafful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK:D


7.Best traffic advertisment of the year: Picture of Lord Ganesha with saying:"Take care of your head,not everyone gets a replacement like me".


8. Little Red Rididng Hood dint listen to her mother.....Snow White lived with seven men.....Pinnochio was a liar......Robin Hood was a thief....Tarzan walked without clothes on....Sleeping Beauty slept the whole day until a guy kissed her.....Cindrella was dancing with a guy till twelve at nite!!!!!
These are the stories our parents rais...ed us with, n now they complain our our generation's messed up!!!!;D


9. Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day
With little time to stop n pray
For life's been anything but calmSince u called on me to b a mom
Running errands,matching socks
Building dreams with building blocks!
Cooking,cleaning n finding shoes
n other stuff dat children lose!

10.We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.";D