Most Hilarious Jokes.

1.

Kid: May I buy some grapes?
Baker: we don't have that
The nxt day:
Kid: May I buy some grapes?
......Baker: I said we don't have that! if you ask that one more time, i'm gonna staple your mouth!
D nxt day:
Kid: Do you have a stapler?
Baker: No, why?
Kid: May I buy some grapes? :D

2.Facebook is like jail you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.

3.Boy's dad joined facebook. Boy's status, 'WTF'. Boy's dad asks, what iS WTF?' Kid replies, 'Welcome To Facebook'

4.As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make... me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

5. I went for a drive with my girlfriend the other day & got pulled over, the officer asked "have you been drinking" I replied "come on mate, she isn't that fat"

6.Dear Maths,All my life you made me find your X !!!Listen buddy...She's not coming back....So please move on!!!Regards,Frustrated Student.

7.Dad brings a robot which slaps people who lie. Dad: 'son where were you?'
Son: 'school' robot slaps son, Son: 'film!' Dad: 'which one?' Son:
'cartoon film' robot slaps again. Son: 'blue film' Dad: 'whats that??'
robot slaps dad.

8.A boy was driving a car.. A girl overtakes his car.. The boy shouted "hey donkey".. The girl replied to him "pig, buffalo, stupid"..Suddenly she had an accident, because in front of her, a donkey was crossing. Moral -> Girls never understand guys



9.After drinking: Men talk unnecessarily, Become emotional, Drive badly, Stop thinking, Fight for nothing! WOMEN can do all these things WITHOUT drinking.


10.The priest asks Johnny if he's not scared of meeting Satan. Little Johnny
says "You are the one that must be scared; you talk shit about him every
Sunday."

Funniest Jokes

1.Santa was feeling happy!
After five minutes,happy slapped him;D




2.To Reduce Depression of Students,Sir Showed them "3 IDIOTS".Sir=What did u Learn 4m the Movie?Students=KISS Karte WaQt NAAK Bich me Nahi Aati ;)




3.Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed. But wives r smarter so men get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed;D




4.

Shayari dat wud blow ur senses :-


Roses are red,
Facebook is blue.
..Roses are red,
Facebook is blue.
44 mutual friends
Fir bhi kaun hai bey tu.. :D lol

5.Just thinking if every couple... Husband & Wife, BF & GF exchanged their Facebook a/c & cell phone for 24 hours . Will they b still together after that ?! lol

6.

sardar meets an English man...
Angrez: hi
Sardar: hellow!!
Ang: How do you do?????
Sardar: That's a secret!!!!!!!!!: P

7.Last Night,I broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!"

.
.
I wz thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."”


 

8.

Interviewer :Let me check your word Power...
Sardaar :Ok Sir ....
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of ......good.
Sardar :hmmmm..... Bad
Interviewer : Come
Sardar : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
Sardar : Pichlli.
Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?
Sardar : UGLYYYYYYYYY..
Interviewer : Shut Up.
Sardar : Keep Talking.
Interviewer :ok now stop these all..
Sardar:ok now carry on this all
Interviewer :abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa
Sardar: abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh
Interviewer :Areeee yaaar
Sardar: areeee dushmannnnnn
Interviewer : Get Out.
Sardar : Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
Sardar : Oh my Devil.
Interviewer : U r Rejected.
Sardar: I m selected...
I M SELECTED??? REALLY?? BALLE BALLE :))))

9.you know if you're getting older and one day your sweetie says to you, "darling Let's go upstairs and make love." whats your answer???????, i think the answer will be "Honey, I can't do both in one time!"

10. 

A guy went to his gf's house... But at dat tym, only her sis was thr.. She dressed sexy and told her sis' bf dat his gf gone outside and wont come back for 2 hrs and they can have some intimate moments by dat tym... The guy immediately went out.. Suddenly, his gf came and hugged him happily and said "I luv u too much " ... She said she was testing him an...d he passed it...

Moral : Always keep condoms at the bike .. :D

Facebook status updates

1.If they can do away with Pluto as a Planet, why can’t they do away with Monday as a day of the week?????

2.An idea can change ur life
but, a girl can change ur ideas.
so always change ur girlfrnd to get new ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"wat an idea sir ji.....;D

3.Wife-Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?
Husband-How can I? I don't even know her!!!!!!!

4.You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to;D

5.Lamha lamha waqt guzar jaega,
kuch din k baad Valentine's day aa jaega,
Abhi bhi waqt hai,kisi se affair chala lo,
Warna ye valentine bhi miya ji ke saath gujar jaega;D"
...
6.There isn’t a better feeling than walking into a room with your hair a mess, pj’s on, and mismatched socks and your child saying “mom u r so beautiful” :)

7.I was in my kitchen cleaning… When suddenly I realised OMG… I’m late for Facebook!!!

8.Couples are just like scissors. They always go opposite directions yet punishing anyone who comes between them.

9."The best way out is always through."
Robert Frost

10."New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions."
Mark Twain

Most popular Jokes

1.Without Love -- dayz are
Sadday,
moanday,
tearsday,
wasteday,
...thirstday,
frightday,
shatterday...
so be in Luv everyday...

2."You cannot blame gravity for falling in love";))Einstein.

3.Just because someone doesn't love you in the way you want them to,
doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they've got!!!:)

4.Robert Louis Stevenson writes-"Wine is bottled poetry"
Well..well..now i know why i like poetry;)

5.If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?

6.Two men were searching for their wives lost in a fete.
First Man: How does your wife look like?
Second Man:Oh she is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?
First Man: Forget mine, let us look for yours...;p

7.Rahul Roy-"Sau saal tak sanam ki aankhon mein doob jaaun,
 Sau saal aur ho toh uske galey lagaoon...............
Sau saal phir milan ki duniya nayi nayi de.................

Mere khuda mujhe tu ek aur jindagi de..."

Khuda-"Beta Rahul-,itna slow jaega,ek aur jindagi bhi kum padegi;D

8.I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon!!!!

9.Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi ek lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife-Kaun thi woh?
Hus-Tum dimaag kharrab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshaan hoon ki woh bhi Yehi puchhegi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;D

10.Dunno why facebook gives me a choice to 'like' my own comments!!!!!!!!Come on..Ofcourse I like all my comments even wen no one else does;D

Witty Updates

1.Why do men like intelligent women?
   Because Opposites attract;)


2.Love is holding hands in the street,Marriage is holding arguments in the street.Love is dinner for two in a restaurant,Marriage is a take-home packet.Love is cuddling on a sofa,Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.Love is going to bed early;)Marriage is going to sleep early;(Love is losing ur appetite,Marriage is losing ur figure.TVhas no place in love,Marriage is a constant fight for remote......


3.You cannot blame gravity for falling in love;)


4.There is so little difference between husbands that you might as well keep the first;)


5.Wine is bottled poetry.


6.If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?


7.Two men were searching for their wives lost in a fete.
First Man: How does your wife look like?
Second Man:Oh she is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?
First Man: Forget mine, let us look for yours...;p


8.I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.


9.Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi ek lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife-Kaun thi woh?
Hus-Tum dimaag kharrab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshaan hoon ki woh bhi Yehi puchhegi !!!!!!!!!!;D


10.Dunno why facebook gives me a choice to 'like' my own comments!!!!!!!!Come on..Ofcourse I like all my comments even wen no one else does;D

Status Updates

1.‎'Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over
it became a butterfly'.


2.Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


3.Chuha Billi se darta hai,
...Billi Kutte se darti hai,
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,
Aur Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai


4.Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~ Maria Robinson.


5.Sometimes, hope is what makes us smile. Other times, a smile is what can bring us hope.


6.Pleasure tastes best when sipped at intervals.


7.A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.


8.If u cannot find the brighter side of life then polish the darker side ... !
Attitude of adjustment is the only instrument to live a life ... !


9.If money doesnt grow on trees, why do banks have branches?


10.Life has never been the same as it was before Facebook came in my life! Now i dont bother who fiddles with the TV remote;)