naughty jokes

1.Husband goes missing.Wife complains at the police station.
Wife-"He is handsome 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean... to your children."
wife- "Yes, but who wants HIM back?";D

2."Yaar,tera beta toh bilkul tere jaisa hi dikhtaa hai!!!!"
"Abbey,dheere bol... woh padosi ka beta hai!!!!!!" ;D

3.

she-Wat wud u do if I died?Wud u marry again?
He-No way!
she-Y not?don't u lyk being married?
He:Ofcourse I do.
she:Then why wudn't u remarry?
...He:Ok,I'd get married
she:u wud?
He:Uf
she:Wud u sleep with her in our bed?
He:Where else wud we sleep?
she:Wud u replace my pictures with hers?
He:That wud seem lyk d proper thing to do.
she:Wud she use my golf clubs?
He:No,she's left-handed.
Silence
Shit!

4. It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, "I don’t know. Some st...upid guy wanted to know if the coast was clear."

5.Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose all your friends.';P

6.Girl: darling will you keep loving me after marriage like you do now?
Boy: mmm .. Honey all depends upon ur future hubby, if he allows it or not!;)

7.Two old men were talking over old times and saying how much things had changed.
"I didn't even kiss my wife before I married her, did you?"
"I can't remember. What was her maiden name?".

8.First man-I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Second man: Me too, after u leave;D

9.A man never worried about his marriage, until he moved from Delhi to Bombay and discovered that he still had the same milkman? ;D

10.There is so little difference between husbands tht u might as well keep the first;-D

Enjoy the quotes

1.It does not matter if u try and try and try again, and fail.....It does matter if u try and fail, and fail to try again:) Charles Kettering.


2.A woman has to work twice as hard as a man to be thought of as half as good.
Luckily,this is not difficult.;)


3.A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.


4.Success is a great deodorant. It takes away all your smells.


5.Due2cold a bird froze n fell to the ground.While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,he began to realize how warm he was.He lay there all warm and happy, and began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.The cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,n promptly dug him out n ate him.
Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3.And wen u r in deep shit,its best to keep ur mouth shut:0


6.A Mother is a person who, seeing there r only 4 pieces of pie for 5 people, promptly announces she never did care for pie! Teneva Jordan


7.Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper ! It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for a while ;D


8."if the plural of Mouse is MICE. then the plural of spouse must b SPICE"!!!!! ha ha ..how appropriate;))


9.Ask him to take u out and he wants to relax at home;decide to relax at home and he invites friends for dinner; dine out and he finds the children are nt well-mannered; try to manner them and he feels u r over-demanding; demand little and he wants u to share ur dreams;share them and he wants to change the topic;change the topic and he knows he has upset u;b upset n he is there to take u out for dinner;)


10.Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He dint have to hear about all the men she could have married; and she dint have to listen to him tell how his mother used to cook ;)

Witty Updates

1.Why do men like intelligent women?
   Because Opposites attract;)


2.Love is holding hands in the street,Marriage is holding arguments in the street.Love is dinner for two in a restaurant,Marriage is a take-home packet.Love is cuddling on a sofa,Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.Love is going to bed early;)Marriage is going to sleep early;(Love is losing ur appetite,Marriage is losing ur figure.TVhas no place in love,Marriage is a constant fight for remote......


3.You cannot blame gravity for falling in love;)


4.There is so little difference between husbands that you might as well keep the first;)


5.Wine is bottled poetry.


6.If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?


7.Two men were searching for their wives lost in a fete.
First Man: How does your wife look like?
Second Man:Oh she is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?
First Man: Forget mine, let us look for yours...;p


8.I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.


9.Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi ek lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife-Kaun thi woh?
Hus-Tum dimaag kharrab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshaan hoon ki woh bhi Yehi puchhegi !!!!!!!!!!;D


10.Dunno why facebook gives me a choice to 'like' my own comments!!!!!!!!Come on..Ofcourse I like all my comments even wen no one else does;D