naughty jokes

1.Husband goes missing.Wife complains at the police station.
Wife-"He is handsome 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean... to your children."
wife- "Yes, but who wants HIM back?";D

2."Yaar,tera beta toh bilkul tere jaisa hi dikhtaa hai!!!!"
"Abbey,dheere bol... woh padosi ka beta hai!!!!!!" ;D

3.

she-Wat wud u do if I died?Wud u marry again?
He-No way!
she-Y not?don't u lyk being married?
He:Ofcourse I do.
she:Then why wudn't u remarry?
...He:Ok,I'd get married
she:u wud?
He:Uf
she:Wud u sleep with her in our bed?
He:Where else wud we sleep?
she:Wud u replace my pictures with hers?
He:That wud seem lyk d proper thing to do.
she:Wud she use my golf clubs?
He:No,she's left-handed.
Silence
Shit!

4. It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, "I don’t know. Some st...upid guy wanted to know if the coast was clear."

5.Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose all your friends.';P

6.Girl: darling will you keep loving me after marriage like you do now?
Boy: mmm .. Honey all depends upon ur future hubby, if he allows it or not!;)

7.Two old men were talking over old times and saying how much things had changed.
"I didn't even kiss my wife before I married her, did you?"
"I can't remember. What was her maiden name?".

8.First man-I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Second man: Me too, after u leave;D

9.A man never worried about his marriage, until he moved from Delhi to Bombay and discovered that he still had the same milkman? ;D

10.There is so little difference between husbands tht u might as well keep the first;-D

Funny Quotes

1.By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.;D
-- Dorothy Parker


2."And what if,
In your sleep
You dreamed ?
...And what if,
In your dream,
You went to heaven
And there plucked
A strange and
Beautiful flower ?

And what if,
When you awoke,
You had the flower in your hand ?
Ah, what then?"
Samuel Taylor Coleridge


3.Why do we treat the fleeting day
with so much needless fear and sorrow?
It's in its nature not to stay:
Today is always gone tomorrow.


4.The duck looks smooth and calm on top of the water
But underneath there is restless peddling.
In life nothing worthwhile comes without struggle.


5. TERE MERE/WOH SAAT PHERE;)
1st-for nourishing and pure food.(Go for organic only)
2nd-for healthy and prosperous life.(no wonder the weight gain)3rd-for wealth(Root of all misery)
4th-for increase in love and respect for each other(love fights)
5th-for beautiful, heroic and noble children(Ah,here they come)
6th-for peaceful long life 2gether(jhelo n jhelao)
7th-for lifelong friendship(become FB friends)


6.Jinke ghar shishe ke hote hain woh basement me kapde badalte hain".lol


7. TRAINING COURSES FOR WOMEN;)
1.Understanding the Male Response to "Do I Look OK?"
2.Parties: Going without new outfits
3.Bathroom Etiquette I: Men need space in the bathroom cabinet too. 4.Bathroom Etiquette II: His razor is His
5.Introduction to parking
6.TV Remotes: For men only."
7.Communication Skills:Tears -The last resort, not the first!


8.An English teacher wrote the words, 'Woman without her man is nothing' on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate so that it made sense.
The boys wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.'
The girls wrote: 'Woman! Without her, man is nothing.'


9.How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals." !!!!!!


10.To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring........