Facebook status updates

1.If they can do away with Pluto as a Planet, why can’t they do away with Monday as a day of the week?????

2.An idea can change ur life
but, a girl can change ur ideas.
so always change ur girlfrnd to get new ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"wat an idea sir ji.....;D

3.Wife-Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?
Husband-How can I? I don't even know her!!!!!!!

4.You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to;D

5.Lamha lamha waqt guzar jaega,
kuch din k baad Valentine's day aa jaega,
Abhi bhi waqt hai,kisi se affair chala lo,
Warna ye valentine bhi miya ji ke saath gujar jaega;D"
...
6.There isn’t a better feeling than walking into a room with your hair a mess, pj’s on, and mismatched socks and your child saying “mom u r so beautiful” :)

7.I was in my kitchen cleaning… When suddenly I realised OMG… I’m late for Facebook!!!

8.Couples are just like scissors. They always go opposite directions yet punishing anyone who comes between them.

9."The best way out is always through."
Robert Frost

10."New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions."
Mark Twain

Most popular Jokes

1.Without Love -- dayz are
Sadday,
moanday,
tearsday,
wasteday,
...thirstday,
frightday,
shatterday...
so be in Luv everyday...

2."You cannot blame gravity for falling in love";))Einstein.

3.Just because someone doesn't love you in the way you want them to,
doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they've got!!!:)

4.Robert Louis Stevenson writes-"Wine is bottled poetry"
Well..well..now i know why i like poetry;)

5.If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?

6.Two men were searching for their wives lost in a fete.
First Man: How does your wife look like?
Second Man:Oh she is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?
First Man: Forget mine, let us look for yours...;p

7.Rahul Roy-"Sau saal tak sanam ki aankhon mein doob jaaun,
 Sau saal aur ho toh uske galey lagaoon...............
Sau saal phir milan ki duniya nayi nayi de.................

Mere khuda mujhe tu ek aur jindagi de..."

Khuda-"Beta Rahul-,itna slow jaega,ek aur jindagi bhi kum padegi;D

8.I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon!!!!

9.Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi ek lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife-Kaun thi woh?
Hus-Tum dimaag kharrab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshaan hoon ki woh bhi Yehi puchhegi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;D

10.Dunno why facebook gives me a choice to 'like' my own comments!!!!!!!!Come on..Ofcourse I like all my comments even wen no one else does;D

naughty jokes

1.Husband goes missing.Wife complains at the police station.
Wife-"He is handsome 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean... to your children."
wife- "Yes, but who wants HIM back?";D

2."Yaar,tera beta toh bilkul tere jaisa hi dikhtaa hai!!!!"
"Abbey,dheere bol... woh padosi ka beta hai!!!!!!" ;D

3.

she-Wat wud u do if I died?Wud u marry again?
He-No way!
she-Y not?don't u lyk being married?
He:Ofcourse I do.
she:Then why wudn't u remarry?
...He:Ok,I'd get married
she:u wud?
He:Uf
she:Wud u sleep with her in our bed?
He:Where else wud we sleep?
she:Wud u replace my pictures with hers?
He:That wud seem lyk d proper thing to do.
she:Wud she use my golf clubs?
He:No,she's left-handed.
Silence
Shit!

4. It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, "I don’t know. Some st...upid guy wanted to know if the coast was clear."

5.Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose all your friends.';P

6.Girl: darling will you keep loving me after marriage like you do now?
Boy: mmm .. Honey all depends upon ur future hubby, if he allows it or not!;)

7.Two old men were talking over old times and saying how much things had changed.
"I didn't even kiss my wife before I married her, did you?"
"I can't remember. What was her maiden name?".

8.First man-I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Second man: Me too, after u leave;D

9.A man never worried about his marriage, until he moved from Delhi to Bombay and discovered that he still had the same milkman? ;D

10.There is so little difference between husbands tht u might as well keep the first;-D

Enjoy the quotes

1.It does not matter if u try and try and try again, and fail.....It does matter if u try and fail, and fail to try again:) Charles Kettering.


2.A woman has to work twice as hard as a man to be thought of as half as good.
Luckily,this is not difficult.;)


3.A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.


4.Success is a great deodorant. It takes away all your smells.


5.Due2cold a bird froze n fell to the ground.While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,he began to realize how warm he was.He lay there all warm and happy, and began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.The cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,n promptly dug him out n ate him.
Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3.And wen u r in deep shit,its best to keep ur mouth shut:0


6.A Mother is a person who, seeing there r only 4 pieces of pie for 5 people, promptly announces she never did care for pie! Teneva Jordan


7.Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper ! It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for a while ;D


8."if the plural of Mouse is MICE. then the plural of spouse must b SPICE"!!!!! ha ha ..how appropriate;))


9.Ask him to take u out and he wants to relax at home;decide to relax at home and he invites friends for dinner; dine out and he finds the children are nt well-mannered; try to manner them and he feels u r over-demanding; demand little and he wants u to share ur dreams;share them and he wants to change the topic;change the topic and he knows he has upset u;b upset n he is there to take u out for dinner;)


10.Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He dint have to hear about all the men she could have married; and she dint have to listen to him tell how his mother used to cook ;)

Best one-liners

1.Love will die if held too tightly! Love will fly if held too lightly!! Handle ur love with care:)


2.A ship in the harbour is safe, but thats not what ships are for!

 3.Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.


4.Life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain!!!!


5.One who doesnt throw the dice, can never expect to score a six! Siddhuism


6.Work by exception, not by rule....and enjoy the difference.


7.True..Life is not a bed of roses...and here comes a Monday every week to remind u the bitter truth :(


8.A life without cause is a life without effect.


9.Life gives answer in 3 ways: It says YES and gives u what u want. It says NO and gives u smthng better. It says WAIT and gives u the BEST:)


10.You know what u r but u don't know what u can become". Arindam Chaudhuri

More Quotes

1.Exams are like girl friends. 1. Too Many Questions.2. Difficult to Understand.3. More Explanation is Needed.4. Result is always FAIL.:(


2.BIZZARE: "In Hong Kong the wife of a husband who commits adultery is legally entitled to kill the mistress in any manner desired, and the husband with just her bare hands"


3.A long marriage is like two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time!!!!cheers to all my 'skilled' friends who hv survived their marriage for a decade or more:) and all my best wishes to the brave hearts who'll soon reach the mark.Keep dancing to the life's tune!!!!


4.A 10-year study in Scotland found that 20% of people die of a heart attack on Monday’s compare to any other day of the week! The study suggests that the ‘Monday peak’ could be a result of massive drinking during the weekend and work related stress:(....so guys remember-no stress n moderate drinking;) njoy ur weekend:)


5.Honey is the only food tht doesnt spoil with time! now i know y sweet hearts r called so;)


6.Desire breeds more desires !


7.A girl applied to a computer dating service and reported that she liked water sports n formal wear, and the computer matched her with a PENGUIN !!!!!LOL


8.Dare to make a promise...promise brings hope n hope brings smile..and do u know anythng more precious than ur loved one's smile:)


9.Nothing is so good as it seems before hand.


10.I m not denying the women r foolish. God Almighty made them to match the men!!!!!!! George Eliot

Witty one-liners

1.Having one child makes you a parent:) having two you are a referee:(
David Frost


2.Nothing can change the past,but we can change wat it does to us.


3.There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice!!!


4.The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.


5.I believe in luck. How else can u explain the success of those you dislike????


6."Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still." - Lou Erickso


7.Beauty may b only skin deep, but love is not !!!!!!!!!It grows with ur wrinkles ;)


8.Har pal mein pyar hai// Har lamhe mein khushi hai...Kho do toh yaadein hain// Jee lo toh zindagi hai....!!!!!:)


9.What is this life if full of care// We have no time to stand and stare//


10.How is it tht wen he puts forward a reason.....it is EXPLANATION...but wen she does the same,it turns into an EXCUSE!!!!!:(